It’s been 9 months since my last post, not because I didn’t have anything to write about because I did write through and through about our entire journey with Genesis and Exodus. They sit in my files unread, unedited, raw and they will most likely remain private. Writing about our journey to a family through foster care is just as emotional as going through it the first time around.
Thinking about the first time around makes me realize how the wounds haven’t fully healed even though you know how amazing the kids are doing now and failure does come to mind. You see what you missed (or what I haven’t shared) was the kids ended up being with us for 9 months. We had a lot of ups and downs with a tug-a-war adoption time …. Wait… no… reunification….wait….no….adoption…..(get my point); to a point that at the last court hearing in November we said good-bye to Genesis and Exodus as they moved into their new Fost-Adopt home.
We were blessed to have this time with them and to see their growth. We had a lot of support and gave them a lot of support to help them overcome their struggles and become who they are. We’re lucky enough to have played a part in their lives as well as a part in their future home. We knew as a family we couldn’t be; only for the simple reason that their growth has stopped with us, they could only see us as temporary foster parents and a connection as parent to child wasn’t forming but what did form was an everlasting role model for them and a relationship that continues to grow to this day… we do have love.
Reunification hasn’t happened for them yet, it is a fine line and at this point can still go either way with a 50/50 chance. We are still very much part of their lives and get to occasionally see them and take notice to the amazing transformation they have gone through by going to another home. Though we feel like we failed and sometimes think we should have fought for the adoption; we know and see that this was the right choice. We brought them to this point and their new family was able to get them to the next milestone to continue on the path of real childhood.
Genesis and Exodus had an easy transition to their next home, they were very excited for the move and to call their new foster parents Mom and Dad…. The names that use to be ours. It stung, I am not going to lie, and they weren’t scared about moving or felt that they were going to miss us at all. The thing is, we couldn’t have worked out the situation any better than how it happened. We were part of the picking the new placement, we did play dates with their kids and over nighters… when it came time to tell the kids about the transition they expressed with so much excitement, “you mean we get to live with our best friends?”. You see what I mean? It stung but how can you be sad for yourself when it wasn’t you but who wouldn’t want to live with their best friends at the age of 4 and 7? I know I would have loved that.
We know that we didn’t fail, didn’t let them down (though we struggle with this), we miss them terribly and love them so much and we know they love us. We know if their case goes to adoption that we will be able to be part of their lives indefinitely. God has a plan, their case came to us as reunification only and was supposed to only last 3 months that dragged on as a yo-yo case for 9 months…. Then the perfect family came around and they were considered off the “call list” to heal themselves from their past case (this family specializes in their academic needs and 2 same aged kids to be role models of childhood) and now the case got extended. It makes me wonder if this was all God’s plan to begin with. We were the in-between before the right family came along. I know this was God’s plan, I feel it and see it…. but it is still hard to say they are not ours anymore.
Since we had said good-bye we took 2 months off from the foster care / fost-adoption plan and not in any rush to say yes to a placement that didn’t sound right. Not that we were being very picky, because we kind of were but then again we also were not ready ourselves that nothing felt right. Then nearly 1 year later (few days shy of) from the time we said yes to the phone call for Genesis and Exodus we received a phone call for a 4 week old preemie, might I add BEAUTIFUL, little boy. We said yes….. This time there isn’t a plan at all, we blindly accepted. We brought him home from the hospital and have bonded immensely. Our rollercoaster is slowly climbing up the hill with the suspense building in our stomachs and not sure when or where the drops and turns are coming. We are loving him as our own until whatever God’s plan is…. even though all we are doing is praying that his plan is to be ours.
Thoughts/Lesson on Foster Care… “The failure is only the feeling of regret that you fell in love and the fear of loving and loosing again. The success is our broken hearts now gave a child love and sense of worth while in our care. I would say that child’s life is better because I cared more than the feeling of a broken heart.” – Me.
prayersandsunshine 